We’ve had people ask us, “How do you stay confident in the face of other people’s criticisms and judgements?” Confronted with an onslaught of negative opinion or being around negatively focused people can easily impact your feelings of self-worth. You can end up doubting your own judgement and wondering if you really are… (what everyone says you are). How do you find your way in a world which is inclined this way? You need buffers.
Buffer zones protect your worth and confidence
If you’re looking for a way to be in the world, yet not become a victim to it, there are some key strategies that build a resilience buffer, which will protect your worth and enable you to be safe.
- Work from an intrinsic control (vs and extrinsic)
What this means is, having your own internal control tower to guide you rather than waiting for others to tell you which way to fly, how high and when. If you’re waiting on others to give you approval and direction you’re dependent on them to feel worthy. This is both impossible to maintain and inherently flawed. It’s the quickest way to diminish resilience and it can annihilate your buffer zone.
- Get to know your high values and stay true to them
It may seem surprising, but we are not all the same. We value different things. We assume the people we are close to value what we do, but that’s not necessarily so, e.g. some people value money and prestige above all else where others may not be concerned about this at all. Unless you know what you value highly you’re at risk of working to someone else’s ideals and this leads to anxiety and a sense of ‘being a fraud or a failure’. You’re not a failure or a fraud – you just need to know what you value. There are plenty of online questionnaires to help you do this. Just google, ‘know my values, questionnaire’. Dr J. Demartini has a great one.
- Increase your tolerance for difference
When we want everyone to be the same or similar, it causes an anxiety to fit in and belong. The result is we mould ourselves into something we’re not and when a group all tries to do that, you end up with a very stressed out, disconnected fractured dynamics. It doesn’t work. Instead, build your tolerance to being different and sometimes risking not being approved of or liked because your opinion varies from another. By having the courage to model this, others will start to do the same and learn that it’s okay to be different. You can still belong to a group without all being carbon copy clones of each other.
These are three top tips for building confidence, self-worth and resilience buffer zones. Let us know how you get on with them over the coming weeks and if there are any struggles, as we can continue to write tips on this.