Communication & conflict

//Communication & conflict
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  • You're not selfish

Do you ever feel guilty of being selfish?

August 11th, 2016|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Exhaustion, Overwhelm|Tags: , , , |

Do you ever feel guilty of being selfish?  “How do you know the difference between being selfish and just good self-care?” This is a question that Michael Yapko PhD, in his recent book, poses as one of the top 12 discernment struggles. Too often people give up on good self-care because they wrongly judge something as being ‘selfish’. I put my hand up for being guilty of this countless times, putting everyone else’s needs before my own and neglecting to [...]

  • Be_helpful_not_enabling

Are you really helping or enabling? Something every helpful person needs to know…

July 27th, 2016|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Exhaustion, Overwhelm|Tags: , , , |

When you see someone struggling, do you feel impelled to make it better and fix it, to stop the discomfort? This can look like; doing your child’s homework for them, fighting your friend’s battles on their behalf, taking on another person’s workload to stop them from getting in trouble at work, etc. If this sounds like you or someone else you know, it’s important you know this… Helping someone to avoid the consequences of their actions is enabling… Enabling teaches [...]

Keeping your cool takes…

July 14th, 2016|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Overwhelm|Tags: , , , |

It can be hard to keep your cool with other people, children, bosses, work colleagues and the like. They may at times seem thoughtless, inconsiderate, rude and even deliberately hostile. Yet, I’m guessing you may have experienced losing your cool in moments and then felt that you didn’t put your best foot forward or represent yourself as effectively as you would have liked. It’s more useful to remain calm in situations and allow your mind to think strategically. Having a [...]

How to make a friend of the voice inside your head…

July 7th, 2016|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Overwhelm|Tags: , , , |

By popular request for help on self-talk, here are some strategies. We all know the critical inner voice inside our head. It’s the one who can pick every nitty gritty fault out, even the ones that others don’t see. It will focus on the one thing you could have done better rather than the bucket load of things that you’re doing well in any day. When things get really bad and this voice takes over your thinking it can have [...]

  • Getting_Committed

Looking for transformation – here’s a tip

June 16th, 2016|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Low mood|Tags: , , , |

Writing to you now as a blissful and content Mrs. Hibbins, rather than Ms. Lebsanft, I wanted to share something that has been a little surprising and given cause for reflection. My husband and I have been together now a decade, so we’ve already spent a long time in a relationship and I thought that marriage wouldn’t really change anything greatly, yet it has. On the outside it’s subtle but internally, it’s deeply transformative for both of us. The only [...]

How to stop getting cranky – 5 hot tips

June 9th, 2016|Categories: Anger, Blog, Communication & conflict, Family|Tags: |

“How can I stop getting cranky at my kids? A question emailed to us a week or so ago, by one of our lovely readers, asking for tips. It’s a great question and we’ve all had moments when we feel wretched because we turned into a she-wolf for a moment and bit a loved one’s head off. Tip One: Know your early warning signs Are you feeling irritable, tired, overwhelmed, have a headache, etc.? At these times, it’s worth refraining [...]

  • Fijian_secret_to_happiness

The Fijian secret to happiness…

June 2nd, 2016|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Low mood|Tags: , , , , |

Bula… as they say in Fiji, where I’ve just spent a week on honeymoon, right up in the Yasawa Islands. It was bliss and not long enough, but I’m grateful. I was struck by something that has stayed with me. Fijian people are HAPPY!  Not just a few - all of them, all day long! When they introduced themselves and asked, “What do you do back home?” and I said I was a “Psychotherapist”, they looked at me puzzled. “What’s [...]

Relationships you can TRUST for life!

May 18th, 2016|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict|Tags: , |

One of my lovely students shared this summary of Brene Brown’s, Anatomy of Trust, recently and I thought it was worth sharing and reflecting on for sustainable relationships. If we’re contemplating what sticks relationships together and what builds strong connections, one of the most pivotal elements is trust. Often when there’s a relationship issue, the underlying problem is a lack of trust, so how do we build it so that we have friendships you can trust for life? According to [...]

The science of connection – 2 powerful strategies

October 7th, 2015|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Isolation|Tags: , , |

Last week I was standing at the bus stop. A massive storm had just passed over the city and it was still a little drizzly. Thanks to my mum, I have a handy-dandy, pocket-sized umbrella in my bag, which she gave to me for my first day of lecturing as a surprise, “Good luck, you go girl!” gift. That lovely act of unexpected kindness has had an ongoing ripple effect. While waiting for the bus, feeling content and dry under [...]

New Bare Hands website comes to life!

August 12th, 2015|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict|Tags: , , |

We’re excited this week, jumping out of our skin for joy, largely because of you and you didn’t even know it until right now! News Flash!!! We have a new website which means that we can now have a conversation with you through our blogs, instead of it being a one-way chat. We have been itching to hear from you for the last three years and now you can comment and share your insights and strategies too. Getting to this [...]

  • Linda Cliatt-Wayman

Four little words for peace of mind…

July 22nd, 2015|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Unappreciated|Tags: , , |

I was inspired recently watching Linda Cliatt-Wayman’s Tedx Talk on schools and how as a principal she has transformed handfuls of low sociodemographic schools in America. Her motto is to “lead fearlessly and love hard”. What inspired me most was her saying “So what! Now what?”. When a child behaved badly and blamed it on their past or circumstances, she would say, “So what! Now what?”. When staff complained about the lack of resources or low interest from students or [...]

  • kaizen 4 steps

4 Steps To Continuous Improvement

July 17th, 2015|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict|Tags: , , |

The Bare Hands team is having a two day ‘Kaizen’ this week. We called it a ‘Think Tank’ but when I came across the concept of Kaizen, a Japanese word that describes the practice of continuous improvement, I realised that this describes much more accurately what we’ve been up to! The Kaizen process involves 4 steps that are just as relevant to each of us as individuals and to our families, as they are to business. Step 1 - Plan [...]

  • elephants

How to Keep Your Cool with Angry People

May 22nd, 2015|Categories: Anger, Blog, Communication & conflict|

Angry people say things that hurt. It’s their way of discharging their own emotions, often fear. Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of a hurtful outburst and know how it feels? It stings. It hurts even more if you get caught up in the heat of the moment and retaliate. Then you have hurt and regret. How can you avoid the trap, keep your cool and manage the situation in a way you won’t regret? In a situation like [...]

  • Focus

Looking for the “best” advice? You may be surprised where you’ll find it…

May 13th, 2015|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Unappreciated|

Have you every felt lost for a solution? Perhaps you can remember a time when you knew things had to change, but the “how” was hard to figure out and knowing how to choose what was best, seemed really difficult. Now depending on whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, when faced with a dilemma, first inclination is usually to either, a) ask others for their opinion (extrovert) or, b) to start mulling over all the options and gathering data [...]

  • Family Time

COOL Moments Create Connection

May 6th, 2015|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict|

There’s something I know about you. I know that you love the times when you ‘connect’ with the people you love. That you want more days, even hours or moments, doing the stuff that really matters, the stuff that makes great memories. I know this because it’s what we all want.  Guess what? The people you love want to spend more time ‘connecting’ with you too! So, what gets in the way? What gets in your way? Probably the same [...]

  • Dog with headphones

The solution may be in your ears…

April 29th, 2015|Categories: Blog, Communication & conflict, Overwhelm|

I often get asked, “How do I quiet the noise in my head? I feel like I struggle to concentrate and my memory is poor.” One of the symptoms of the stress epidemic seems to be less memory retention and concentration. Here is a simple exercise that you can start today that within a few weeks can make a real difference. Strategy - Listening Practice Ready: Set aside 5 to 20 minutes to start but this can be increased to [...]